Please Stand By...

In my last post, the teaser I gave for the upcoming review was for Return to the Batcave: The Misadventures of Adam and Burt.  Unfortunately, due to technical difficulties, I've had to reshuffle my schedule a bit, and that particular review will have to wait for another day.  Nut bunnies.

But fear not!  I'll still be posting again in two weeks, and to prove it, have a shiny new teaser!

Next Time: *sings* Spider-Man, Spider-Man, whines a lot and Doc Ock’s a ham…

Justice League: Unlimited #28

Justice League: Unlimited is, as far as I can tell, one of the most beloved superhero cartoons ever created, and for once I agree with the majority’s opinion.  The show aired from 2001 to 2006 and really, the only thing better than the show itself was the fact that it had the most epic theme song known to man.  So, naturally, quite a lot of merchandise—including comic books based on the show—was produced.  And, also naturally, the comic had a very special Christmas issue.  Well, sort of special.  Almost.  Very nearly.

"On Angel's Wing" - X-Men: Evolution

Well now that we’ve FINALLY got Thanksgiving out of the way, we can focus on dropping hints about what we want for Christmas and searching our relatives’ houses for any signs of our presents.  Honestly.  What were they thinking, creating a holiday that didn’t involve buying lots of stuff and couldn’t be commercialized from here to the Negative Zone?  So annoying.

Arsenal #3-#4

 

So far, we have seen:

Roy Harper being an awesome hero person.

Lian Harper being cute.
Kidnapping henchwomen being, uh, kidnappy?
Dinah Lance being kinda stupid.
Oliver Queen being dead.
Lian’s babysitter being… there.
Vandal Savage being evil.
Connor Hawke being ambiguously ethnic.

And now, we continue with our celebration of all things red-haired and arrow-related with the second half of Roy Harper Appreciation Month!

 

Arsenal #1-#2

 

Some characters are heroes.  Others are villains.  Still others are anti-heroes.  And some are life’s punching bags, eternally taking punishment enough to make anyone either go bananas or feel like they’re about to.  And yet, somehow—whether it be through their own determination or a well-timed reboot or both—they always manage to land on their feet and live to kick butt another day.

One such character is Roy William Harper Jr., a.k.a. Speedy, a.k.a. Arsenal, a.k.a. Red Arrow, a.k.a. Arsenal again.  He’s been one of my favorites for ages, but the fans and the comics (especially those bleeping comics) always seem to give him the short end of the stick (or the arrow).  So to give Roy a little positive press—and to give myself a chance to alternately gush and rampage about his various portrayals in various media—I hereby declare November ROY HARPER APPRECIATION MONTH.

"Thirst" - Smallville

For many shows, airing at least one holiday-themed episode is sort of a tradition.  Christmas seems to be the most popular subject, but appearances by Hanukkah, New Years’ Eve/Day, Thanksgiving, and others are certainly not unheard of.  Having lasted an impressive ten seasons, Smallville had plenty of time to air plenty of episodes about plenty of holidays, and in Season Five, they decided to go the spooky route with a tangentially Halloween-themed episode, complete with costume parties and hot lady vampires.  Boy, was that ever dumb.

The ONLY bright spot here is that this was made before Twilight, so they couldn’t rip it off or make “fun” references.  And that is the only Twilight reference I will make in this review.  I knew you’d be expecting it, so I got it out of the way early so that, like the later Hitchcock cameos, it won’t distract you from enjoying the rest of the show.  You’re welcome.

Spitballing - "Pilot" (Arrow)

This isn't my normal review of the week--that comes on Saturday.  But I (finally) got around to watching the Arrow pilot that debuted on CW last Wednesday and really, really, REALLY needed to get some things off my chest.  This is by no means a comprehensive review; this is just me typing up some general, half-baked opinions that came to mind when I was watching.  Or, if you prefer, spitballing.  So if I come across as rambly and non-sensical, welcome to my unedited brain.

So in case you hadn't guessed, SPOILERS LIVE HERE.

"Broken Stone"/"Getting the Story" - Sky Dancers

Apparently I thought it would be a good idea to keep reviewing Sky Dancers, even after I realized that they were not the great and glorious heroes that my nostalgia specs tried to convince me they were.  Apparently I’m a knucklehead.

Batman, Season Three

 

*sigh* And so we arrive at the third season of Batman.  Far and away the worst of Batman’s three seasons, Season Three debuted well after the show’s popularity began to wane.  Bat-mania was dying, but the show itself stubbornly refused to die with it.  They suffered massive budget cuts that reduced their sets to the bare bones.  Even the distinctive two-part episode structure was stripped away, leaving a single half-hour episode per week with each one ending in the flimsiest of cliffhangers. (“Oh, yes, Batman and Robin may have defeated THIS villain, but look over there!  THAT villain is roaming around!!  What trickery is THAT villain up to now?  Tune in to find out in our next episode!”)

El Chapulín Colorado

I’m willing to bet that most of the native English-speakers reading this (all two of them) have absolutely no idea who this guy is, unless they’re Latino and/or grew up around Latino people. (Is Latino even politically correct anymore?  I can’t keep up with this…) El Chapulín Colorado, “the Red Grasshopper”, is the brainchild of Mexican comedian Roberto Gómez Bolaños, a.k.a. Chespirito.  The characters he created—particularly Chapulín Colorado and Chavo del Ocho (dude had a thing for “ch” sounds)—are immensely popular, scoring monster ratings across multiple nations and multiple decades.  He’s popular outside of Spanish-speaking nations too; his shows have been translated into Japanese, Portuguese, French, Russian, and more. 

The one language it hasn’t been translated into?  English.  The DVDs I own don’t even bother to provide English subtitles.  Which is a pain, because that means I have to do the translating myself.* But hey, nowhere in my list of superhero requirements does it say that a superhero needs to speak English, so let’s take a quick look.

The (Comic) Book Was Better - DC: The New Frontier

 

Since the maiden voyage of the good ship The (Comic) Book was Better didn’t completely capsize and sink, it’s time to set sail yet again, this time with the epic tale of epicness known as The New Frontier.  The comic was written and drawn by Darwyn Cooke and published in 2004; the cartoon came out in 2008.  The comic is so epic that it needed two full-length TPBs to contain the awesome (though it is all available in one volume now, from what I understand), so of course, the cartoon version had to cut quite a bit.  The question is: did it cut the right things?  And was it able to tell a compelling story with what it did use?

"Mask of Doom" - Fantastic Four

Every once in a while, I’ll come across a superhero that even I can’t bring myself to care about.  For Marvel, those heroes used to be the Fantastic Four.  For some reason, even as I was gobbling up the most recent Spiderman and X-Men cartoons and reading every issue of Young Avengers I could get my hands on, I just wasn’t interested in tracking down anything starring Reed Richards and company.  When I saw the “blockbuster” films from 2005 and 2007, I was even less interested.  And when I saw this show?  Let’s just say Marvel was lucky I stuck around long enough to give Marvel Adventures: Fantastic Four a try.

Teen Titans #4

With the 2012 London Olympics now underway, I figured it was time to bust out another issue of the old school Teen Titans comic, and you can probably guess why by looking at the cover.  And, um, that’s it really.  So let’s start.

Batman, Season Two

The second season of Batman is almost twice as long as Season One, and frankly, I don’t think that was a good thing.  By this point, the show was a monster success and everyone was riding high.  It was nominated for three Emmys—Outstanding Comedy Series, Outstanding Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Comedy (for Frank Gorshin), and Individual Achievements in Sound Editing—and was even being referenced by other shows (The Monkees, Gilligan’s Island) and movies (The Fortune Cookie).  The Bat-climb celebrity cameos were in full swing, featuring everyone from Sammy Davis Jr. to… Colonel Klink from Hogan’s Heroes?  How is that supposed to work?*

The point is, the show was at the peak of its popularity, and I guess that made the writers too lazy to get up off their laurels and make sure the show continued to be a success.

Spider-Man

In 2002, among the hottest of hot summer blockbusters was Sam Raimi’s take on Marvel’s wondrous wall-crawler, the spectacular Spider-Man, which earned a whopping 821.7 million dollars at the worldwide box office; was nominated for two Oscars, two Grammies, and a whole slew of other accolades; and spawned two sequels over the next five years.  The film remains popular to this day, scoring an 89% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes and many, many devoted fans.

And I don’t like it.

I will now take a short recess to dodge the bushels of rotten vegetables being thrown at my head, and then we shall proceed.

"Lucy and Superman" - I Love Lucy

June 16, 1959.  For many, this is just another date on the calendar, but for those of us who know a little bit about superhero pop culture, this is also the day that George Reeves, most famous as TV’s Superman and that guy who had two lines at the beginning of Gone with the Wind, was found dead of a single gunshot wound.  The death was ruled a suicide—the result of depression coupled with a night of heavy drinking—but nevertheless remains a source of debate and intrigue even today, and as the owner of a superhero blog, it wouldn’t be right for me to let the anniversary of this tragic event go by unobserved.

"The Day They Unmasked Mr. Action" - Jimmy Olsen #159

I pretty much established from day one that Silver Age comics can be extremely silly.  As far as I’ve been able to tell, no hero was immune from the ridiculousness—they adopted improbable animal sidekicks, got turned into improbable animal sidekicks, turned evil, turned their improbable animal sidekicks evil, got turned evil by their improbable animal sidekicks… everybody was having their share of crazy, cracky goodness, but out of all the characters to have stupid adventures in the 1960s, the Idiot Supreme Award probably has to go to Jimmy Olsen.  Dude got into so much trouble I’m surprised he didn’t get a restraining order against Superman just so he could stop turning into a werewolf every other week. (No, seriously, he got turned into a werewolf.  Twice.  That I know of.)

Young Avengers #7-#8

No, your eyes do not deceive you, I am finally reviewing a Marvel comic!  Only took me four and half months, right?  And I’m not even covering any of the titles that people actually care about.  Instead, I’m taking a look at one of my personal favorites, Young Avengers, about a group of teen heroes who, despite their name, have no real connections to any established heroes.  Seems pretty straightforward, doesn’t it?  The title debuted in 2005 and, from what little I’ve read, was generally a good book until Children’s Crusade came along.  I won’t spoil anything for people who still want to read it, but let’s just say that it only adds fuel to my theory that mainstream comics are allergic to happiness.

But anyway.  The story arc I’m looking at today, called “Secret Identities,” is sandwiched between two much longer story arcs where a lot more stuff goes on in terms of villainous attempts at world domination.  I’m reviewing “Secret Identities” instead of those ones because, frankly, I am lazy and didn’t feel like reviewing anything longer.  Don’t worry, we’ll still have fun.

(Also, there will be mild spoilers for the first six issues along with issues seven and eight here, so tread carefully.)

"The Sky's the Limit"/"On Wings of Song" - Sky Dancers

Hey there, children of the ‘90s!  Ready for a blast from the past that’ll make you feel old?  You’ve come to the right place.  And yes, I am counting the Sky Dancers as superheroes.  They are on the side of good, have special powers, and fight a designated supervillain, and that’s good enough for my money.  Though after watching the show, I’m kinda wishing it wasn’t.

What time is it? Shameless plug time!

Can it be?  A Cracked article cowritten by yours truly?

The 6 Creepiest Sexual Encounters in Comic Book History

It actually took me a second to recognize it on the site, since my original title was "Six Comic Books That Tried to Be Romantic and Failed Horrendously."  Actually, they changed most of what I wrote, and while that's kind of an ego-deflater once you've poured your heart and soul into something and thought you did a real bang-up job of it, that's the way things work in the real world, so you just have to shrug your shoulders and move on with life. 

Though to be honest, I'm more miffed at the factual errors than the fact that they deleted half my jokes.  Tarantula raped Nightwing on a rooftop, not in the street, dangit!

Batman: The Movie

Long before Tim Burton and Christopher Nolan ever thought of bringing the Dark Knight to the silver screen, 20^th Century Fox decided to capitalize on the wild success of the ‘60s Batman series with a full-length film.  It was shot during the break between the first and second seasons on a budget of $1,377,800, which was pretty paltry even for back then.  But hey, just because a movie is made on the cheap doesn’t mean it can’t be good—Psycho, made six years earlier, famously had a budget of just one million dollars.  Is this film anywhere near as brilliant as Psycho?  Don’t be silly.  Is it one heck of a fun ride?  You bet your Bat-boots it is!

"Walk on the Wild Side" - X-Men: Evolution

As I said in my introductory post, I’m primarily a DC fan, and it was only in the past couple of years that I became curious enough about Marvel to start checking out some of their cartoons.  One of the first shows I tried was X-Men: Evolution, which lasted four seasons and played fast and loose with the X-Men mythos (e.g. de-aging half the cast).  If you look at the reviews for this program on IMDB, the changes apparently raised some hackles among comic book nerds.  Let’s face it—when it comes to hackle-raising, we geeks are the undisputed champions. (Finally, a sport that nerds excel in!)  But in all honesty, X-Men: Evolution isn’t one of the things I nitpick.  For better or worse, this show was my introduction to the X-Men, and I for one get a lot of enjoyment out of it.

Well… except for this one episode…

The (Comic) Book Was Better - Superman/Batman: Public Enemies

We’ve all heard it.  Heck, we’ve all said it—“That movie was good/bad/okay/fantastic/the worst piece of dreck ever put on film… but the book was better.”  In this new review series, I am going to be looking at movies (or TV episodes, though the emphasis will be on DC’s series of animated films) and the comic books/graphic novels that inspired them to determine which one told the story better.  I won’t really be comparing them per se, because otherwise you could probably narrow it all down to “the cartoon cut too much stuff out”—I’ll just be judging each version on its own merits as if I have never seen/read the other version, and we’ll see how this works. Today’s subject: Superman/Batman: Public Enemies!

The Incredibles

After all the rage from last month’s reviews, I figured it’d be therapeutic to start March by writing about something fun, and let’s face it—if there are two companies that know how to make fun movies, they’re Disney and Pixar.  In 2004, in the wake of the wildly winning Finding Nemo, they brought their formidable fun-making forces to the world of superheroes.  The result?  The Incredibles, which ended up netting another few bajillion dollars for its creators.  Was it deserved?  I think we all know the answer to that, but let’s take a look anyway.

Nightwing #99-#100

So far, we have seen:

Tarantula become an honorary member of the Bat-Club.

A lot of scenes that have nothing to do with the storyline.

That Batman still has no clue that Nightwing was raped.

Ditto for Robin.

Ditto for Oracle, but she’s such a catty witch that she probably wouldn’t care anyway.

More scenes that have nothing to do with the storyline.

Nightwing get shot and collapse on a fire escape.

And now, the conclusion to our categorically creepy and contemptible chronicle!

Nightwing #97-#98

So far, we have seen:

Tarantula being creepy.

Tarantula being an idiot.

Tarantula being a manipulative #@*&.

Tarantula being a stalker.

Look, Tarantula just isn’t a very nice person, okay?!

Pointless stuff about side characters who have no relevance to this story arc.

Batman giving Tarantula free run of Gotham City because… he’s been brainwashed?  Yes, yes I’m sure that’s what happened…

And now, more of the exact same thing!  Huzzah!

Nightwing #95-#96

So far, we have seen:

Blockbuster, a.k.a. Captain Obvious, threaten our hero’s loved ones.

Nightwing have a nervous breakdown and allow wannabe vigilante Tarantula to shoot Blockbuster in the face.

Even though anyone with the IQ of an old boot could have come up with about a dozen alternative ways of handling the situation.

In the first five seconds.

Tarantula rape our near-catatonic hero.

Yes, really.

Tarantula continue to control and manipulate Nightwing in the name of true love.

Which makes everything totally okay, didn’t you know that?

Nightwing too depressed and guilty to tell even his closest friends what has happened.

Tarantula about to be on the painful end of a well-deserved walloping at the fangs of Copperhead.

And now, back to our show.

Nightwing #93-#94

Happy February, everyone!  Whenever I think of February, my thoughts immediately turn to Valentines’ Day, the holiday commemorating love, romance, and expensive chocolates (mmm, Godiva…).  And seeing as how February is the only month with such a romantic holiday as its centerpiece, I figured it’d be appropriately ironic to spend this month discussing something I loathe with the force of a rather large exploding planet. 

(Not to give anything away here, but I feel I should warn you—if you think you will react negatively to depictions and discussions of rape, you may want to steer clear of this blog until March.)

Batman, Season One

Ah, the sixties Batman series.  Most superhero dorks have probably at least heard of it, even if only in the context of “that show that made nobody take comics SERIOUSLY anymore.” Because, as we all know, comic books were serious business in the 1960s.  By the way, have you been to the World of 1,000 Olsens?  Lovely this time of year.  Just don’t make eye contact with the locals.

Teen Titans #1

For my first trick, I present to you the very first issue of the very first official Teen Titans comic, Teen Titans #1, published in 1966.  Eventually, this would become one of DC’s most popular team books, spawning multiple incarnations, two cartoon series, and an animated film.  So just how do these marvelous munchkins spend their debut issue?  Destroying historical artifacts, propagandizing the Peace Corps, and interacting with racial stereotypes, of course!

Just What Is a Superhero, Anyway?

Hello, good citizens, and thanks for visiting Warriors!  When I was first considering putting this blog together, I knew that I wanted it to be a center of discussion for everything that has a superhero in it: comic books, movies, television shows, games, books… you name it, I’ll review it (if I can get my hands on it and if I can make it interesting).  But then I got to thinking—just what is a superhero, anyway?  I’ve geeked out over superheroes for years now, and yet I’ve never really taken the time to sit down and figure out a set definition for what a superhero is.  And since the content of this blog depends on such a definition, I figure now is as good a time as any to sort one out.

1. I suppose the most important trait of a superhero is that they fight for truth and justice and all that other fun stuff.  But that can’t be the only qualification, or else every cop, spy, and detective show ever made would have to count as a superhero show, not to mention a good chunk of the westerns and sci-fi.  And as awesome as these kinds of programs are, I don’t think anyone here would consider Remington Steele to be a superhero (although his knowledge of old movies is pretty superheroic).

2. Superheroes generally have costumes.  Spandex, masks, capes, cowls, tights, utility belts, and underwear worn on the outside are all considered to be standard superhero attire.  Standard, that is, but not necessary.  A lot of people think of the Punisher as a superhero, even though he doesn’t really have a costume in the traditional sense of the word.

3. Like with costumes, superheroes often have some kind of special power that we mere mortals don’t, or at least some kind of technology that gives them special powers.  Again, powers aren’t a requirement, but a lot of superheroes do have them.  Those that don’t generally fall into the “spiffy technology” category.  So the presence of inhuman abilities is probably a good indication of a superhero.

4. A superhero has to hide his or her identity on a regular basis, or did so at one time.  This doesn’t necessarily equal having a dual identity—I consider the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to be superheroes, but they don’t usually put on glasses and pretend to be newspaper reporters.  Rather, they fight at night when no-one can see them and hide in the sewers during the day.  Additionally, there are a few superheroes who, in recent years, gave up the whole “secret identity” shtick, but that doesn’t mean they gave up being superheroes. 

5. Superheroes must have supervillains.  In other words, the hero can’t be like Indiana Jones who always stumbles into trouble without meaning to.  It sort of ties back to the idea of fighting for justice—they must be intentionally trying to help/save people.  A hero is only as effective as his or her villain, and so there must be some kind of official baddie or baddies (preferably recurring, in the case of comics and TV shows) for the hero to be super.

I think my science professors had an easier time determining the definition of life than I’m having determining the definition of superhero.  There are so many ifs, ands, and buts up there!

Okay, here’s what I’ll do.  Everything I review MUST HAVE a character that fits into Number One and AT LEAST two of the other requirements.  That probably still leaves quite a bit of wiggle room for characters I don’t consider superheroes to worm their way in.  (By my definition, the Michael Landon character from Highway to Heaven—who hides his real identity from almost everyone and has special powers—is a superhero!!!)  This may not necessarily be a bad thing, if I run across something with a semi-superhero that I really, really want to write about.  I might also include stuff that isn’t directly about superheroes but is strongly linked back to them (e.g. The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay).  In short, if it’s got anything to do with a superhero as defined above, I’m willing to take a look.

In any case, what I review is going to be heavily skewed towards DC, especially towards the beginning, because that’s what I know the most about, have the most of, and feel most comfortable discussing.  That doesn’t mean I have anything against other companies’ output, however, and I’ll do my best to make the content as varied as I can.  To start out, I’ll update this blog every other Saturday (not counting random announcements, updates, or reactions to superhero-related news), though I’ve got something “special” planned for February and will update every week for that month.

Also, you might want to get used to the jokes about old and obscure television programs.