Young Avengers #7-#8

No, your eyes do not deceive you, I am finally reviewing a Marvel comic!  Only took me four and half months, right?  And I’m not even covering any of the titles that people actually care about.  Instead, I’m taking a look at one of my personal favorites, Young Avengers, about a group of teen heroes who, despite their name, have no real connections to any established heroes.  Seems pretty straightforward, doesn’t it?  The title debuted in 2005 and, from what little I’ve read, was generally a good book until Children’s Crusade came along.  I won’t spoil anything for people who still want to read it, but let’s just say that it only adds fuel to my theory that mainstream comics are allergic to happiness.

But anyway.  The story arc I’m looking at today, called “Secret Identities,” is sandwiched between two much longer story arcs where a lot more stuff goes on in terms of villainous attempts at world domination.  I’m reviewing “Secret Identities” instead of those ones because, frankly, I am lazy and didn’t feel like reviewing anything longer.  Don’t worry, we’ll still have fun.

(Also, there will be mild spoilers for the first six issues along with issues seven and eight here, so tread carefully.)

Quick overview of our heroes—

-Teddy Altman/Hulkling, our shapeshifter-in-residence

-Kate Bishop/Hawkeye, a non-powered human who excels in archery and sarcasm

-Eli Bradley/Patriot, default team leader who (claims to have) gotten his Super Soldier powers from a blood transfusion he got from his super-powered grandfather

-Cassie Lang/Stature, who inherited her deceased father Scott/Ant-Man’s power to shrink and grow

-Billy Kaplan/Wiccan, a crazy-powerful sorcerer. 

Their previous leader was a kid named Nathaniel/Iron Lad from the future, but due to very complicated grandfather paradox-y things that happened in the first six issues, he is no longer with the team.  Also due to things that happened in the first six issues, the Avengers told YA to take a hike and quit their pesky hero worshipping and footstep following.  Needless to say, they have not listened, and Issue Seven begins at Avengers Tower with the grown-up Avengers.  They are less than thrilled about YA’s continued existence—or rather, Captain America is less than thrilled.  And as he still blames himself for the death of his own teen sidekick Bucky, I guess he’s got a good excuse to be upset, but Luke Cage and Spiderman ain’t buyin’ it.  Regardless, Cap ignores them and decides to act on a threat he made to the Young Avengers back in the first story arc: he starts calling their parents.

The ensuing discussion will result in the destruction of the known universe, I’m sure.

Billy is too busy watching himself on the news to listen to his mother, at least until Teddy comes a-knockin’.  The two get into a tiff about who has to tell his parents about the whole superhero thing first, and Billy’s parents overhear bits of the conversation.  To his credit, Billy does attempt to confess, but they… er… misinterpret.

For those not in the know, the writer didn’t just put this in there because he thought it’d be funny (which it is).  Billy and Teddy really are an item; it was confirmed in Young Avengers #6, though it was blatantly obvious from day one from the way one would spaz out whenever the other got pwned in battle.  Which happens about once or twice an issue.

AND I LOVE EVERY PRECIOUS PANEL OF IT.

Seriously.  When it comes to homosexuality, comic books don’t exactly have the greatest track record.  (That’s true of most media, really, but we’re only talking about comics.)  The existence of Extraño alone should be enough to convince anyone of that fact, if it doesn’t make you crack your head against a wall first.  Not only that, but comics are bleak these days, often just for the sake of being bleak (see: Children’s Crusade).  So the fact that this comic took a potentially angst-ridden moment like teenage boys coming out of the closet and made it such a simple, funny non-event is enough to make me giddy like I have never giddied before.

Meanwhile, two other members of the team are having their own problems.  Cassie overhears her mother and stepfather saying how not only is she too incompetent to be a superhero, but she would be selfishly ignoring her mother’s negative view of superheroes if she was one.  Ouchies.  Eli is very evasive with his grandmother concerning the contents of his sock drawer, which… do not seem to be anything legal…

But while Granny may be clueless about his secret life, his grandfather has evidently figured it out from the evening news.  Because he is the only one with a brain cell.  Seriously: Eli is the only member of the team with a mask—granted, it’s just a domino, but hey, it works for Robin—but his family is the only one that can figure out their teenage relative is moonlighting as a superhero?  I think everyone else needs glasses.  Or in the case of the Kaplans, thicker glasses.

While the Avengers try to figure out whose parents to tattle to first, the Young Avengers meet up to figure out how to prevent said tattling from occurring.  The only problem?  Eli has decided to bust some drug dealers instead of meet with the gang.  He gets himself captured by the ring leader, a Blockbuster-y dude calling himself Mister Hyde (though apparently Hyde was created first so…).  Billy is able to locate Eli with his powers, and they all charge to the rescue.  Not long after their arrival, Billy notices that Eli is bleeding, which shouldn’t be happening since he’s supposed to be invulnerable.  Eli rather stupidly runs off, Billy rather sensibly follows and the issue ends with this image.

“What?  No, I'm not a junkie!  This is for, uh, my bee sting allergy?  No, wait, it's to prevent blood clots!  Yeah, that sounds about right.”

After opening up the uber-angsty cover to Issue Eight, you see that we’re picking up right where we left off.  Eli confesses to a stunned Wiccan that he doesn’t have superpowers after all and has been using a special drug called MGH (Mutant Growth Hormone), which gives normal people powers for a short period of time.  “Billy, please… you have no idea what we’re up against,” Eli says tearfully.

Two things.  One, way to give away Wiccan’s secret identity there, idiot.  I know he hasn’t got a mask, but his own parents haven’t managed to make the connection yet, so stop ruining a good thing.  Two, you’re right.  We don’t know what we’re up against.  Mister Hyde hasn’t been so much as hinted at before in this comic at all, so why should we fear the guy?  I’m guessing this was meant to imply that Eli has made a habit of stealing drugs from Hyde, but that wasn’t really hinted at either.  And as we’ll see very shortly, Hyde isn’t really that much scarier than any other supervillain, especially since the villain in the last storyline was a reality-altering time-warping planet-crushing dictator and Hyde is just a really ugly strong guy.

Speaking of Hyde, he injects himself with some MGH to give him an edge in his fight with YA.  It works and he pounds them, turning Hawkeye into a human shield.  Which I can’t see as being particularly effective, given he’s about six times her size.  C’mon, guys, just shoot him in the head and the leg at the same time.  Hawkeye can’t possibly be in both places at once!

Back at the Bradley house, Captain America is talking with Eli’s grandmother and oh, look, Thing magnet on the fridge!

Oh, yeah, and Cap tells her that Eli got his granddaddy’s super soldier powers from a blood transfusion, except that according to the grandmother, said blood transfusion never actually happened.  Or something.  Where can I get that magnet?

Over at Cassie’s house, Cassie’s mother talks with Jessica Jones, formerly Jewel, currently reporter for the Daily Bugle and Luke Cage’s pregnant girlfriend.  Cassie’s mother is concerned that her daughter’s heart condition may be exacerbated by the “Pym Particles” that gave her powers.  Said heart condition was never mentioned before and, as far as I can recall, is never mentioned again, so… um… it’s a miracle?

Back with Kate the Human Hostage, Wiccan manages to get her away from Hyde just as Eli, all juiced up on MGH, rejoins the party and overdoses Hyde on the stuff.  Aaaand that’s it.  Like I said, Hyde doesn’t seem that much tougher than your average baddie.  In any event, the Avengers show up to rain on Patriot’s drug-fueled parade.

That’s right, Avengers, bring the pregnant lady along to a potentially still dangerous crime scene.  That’s practicing what you preach about responsbility and caution!

Luckily, no fighting ensues, and Patriot fully intends to just walk out the door before Wiccan stops him.  When Patriot wakes up, he finds himself at Avengers Tower with a whole lot of ‘splaining to do.  He confesses that he never had any powers, but he began taking MGH when Iron Lad came from the future in search of a super soldier.  The comic ends with Patriot quitting the team and walking out.  Yep, that’s it.  Kind of a downer ending, I know, especially when I was just praising the comic for not being depressing, but… well, you’ll have to read the next few issues for yourself to see what happens with Eli.  Or maybe I'll discuss them myself one day.  We'll see.

Like I said in the beginning, this two-parter was kind of an intermission or a bridge between the giant explosion-filled plotlines that come before and after.  It does kind of seem out of place in that respect, but I guess the kids deserved a break from time-traveling conquerors and the like to figure out what to do now that their leader is gone.  And we also get to know Eli a little better, so that was cool.  I mean, we always knew that he was very determined and took heroing seriously, but we had no idea HOW seriously until “Secret Identities.” The artwork is kind of stiff and awkward, but I’ve seen far worse, and I enjoy the characters’ banter enough to be able to overlook it.  (Plus there’s a better artist for the previous and following issues).

That being said, there is one little thing that bugs me.  I looked up MGH on the Marvel wiki, and they say that this drug “is known to be highly addictive,” but Eli never seems to suffer from withdrawal despite the fact that he suddenly stops taking the drug after several months of regular doses.  Either he is the luckiest drug user on the face of the planet, or someone didn’t feel like writing about drug withdrawal.  C’mon, guys, even Roy Harper went through the world’s shortest and easiest detox program after he was exposed as a junkie.  If you didn’t want to write a storyline where Eli tries to get over his addiction, then why have him take an addictive drug in the first place?

Still, “Secret Identities” is good fun and emphasizes the Young Avengers’ devotion to not only each other but to doing good in the world.    That’s not to say I endorse taking steroids and going out to punch people in the face, but you have to admire a bunch of teenagers who are so devoted and so determined to make the world a better place that they’re willing to do anything necessary to do so.

Next Time: Hey, ladies!  Not wearing nail polish?  Then you’re a man.  Jimmy Olsen has spoken.

Images from Young Avengers #7 and Young Avengers #8