Avengerous Tales 1.13 - Avengers #25-#26

 

To read Avengerous Tales 1.12, go here!

It’s been a while since we had to check out a different comic to better explain what’s going on in The Avengers, but I think I remember how to do it.

In Tales to Astonish #77-#78, we find out what Hank Pym and Janet van Dyne have been doing since they left the team: performing vital drilling experiments in the middle of the ocean, trying to figure out the origins of life.  However, their drill is causing serious damage to Namor’s kingdom, and he destroys the drill. 

Of course, instead of explaining that the drill is wrecking his city, Namor just tells them to go away because he’s a prince, dammit, now do what he says!  Hank, Jan, and the rest of the crew don’t take kindly to that, and one of them gets trigger happy and shoots at Namor, setting the whole ship on fire instead.  They get it under control fairly quickly, but right then, a villain named the Puppet Master decides to take control of Namor’s mind and compels him to swim to New York.  With the radio gone and with Hank unwilling to leave the job of fixing his equipment to others long enough to become Giant-Man and walk to shore, that leaves Jan to shrink down to wasp-size and fly to New York to alert the Avengers.

Got that?  Good.  Now stick a pin in it and save it for later, because we have one issue left before you’ll need to remember all that.

We begin at the castle of the Fantastic Four’s arch-foe Dr. Doom, where he is spying on the recently-returned Avengers and asking himself existential questions about his relationship to Kang the Conqueror.  It’s been implied that there’s some sort of connection between the two, but whether they’re related or the same person or just share a tailor is up for debate.

Meanwhile, the Avengers themselves have settled back into Stark Mansion and… oh boy, looks like Hawkeye’s about to be a prick again.

 

First of all, with that attitude, you don’t deserve a girlfriend.  Maybe quit blaming Cap for your problems and look in the mirror sometime.  Second, I don’t think Hawkeye has much to worry about anyway, since Wanda doesn’t appear to be looking at Cap with love in her eyes.  Mostly she just looks bored.

Captain America and Hawkeye get into another spat before the latter leaves and the former wanders around the mansion angsting quietly to himself.  I wonder what he must look like to other people in the comic who can’t read his thought balloons. 

A few days later, Wanda and Pietro get a fateful letter, telling the twin orphans about a long-lost relative of theirs…

 

Yeah, if you know anything about Latveria, you already know where this is going.

The Avengers hop a flight to Latveria, but the second they set foot in Dr. Doom’s country, they are arrested.  They quickly realize that Doom is behind all this and bust out, but Doom was prepared for that.  He encloses the entire country in a giant, impenetrable glass dome (it’s a small country, but still), meaning that the only way the Avengers can escape is by defeating Doom himself.

But first, they have to get past the villagers.

 
“Rush Limbaugh would never lie to me!”

Fortunately, a bunch of Balkan villagers aren’t exactly a threat to Earth’s Mightiest Heroes; while Pietro keeps them occupied, the others quickly make their way to Doom’s castle, where they encounter the metal man himself.

The Avengers patiently sit through Doom’s exposition about how the ruse about Wanda and Pietro’s aunt was developed so he could defeat them and thereby impress Reed Richards NO WAIT I MEAN intimidate the Fantastic Four, and then it’s fighty time.  Hawkeye does manage to melt Doom’s armor with one of his special arrows, but Doom knows his castle better than they do and escapes long enough for a change of clothes.  And the Avengers just sort of leave to wait for him to resurface, I guess.

Incidentally, if you read the cover and are wondering about the Fantastic Four’s “brief guest appearance,” here it is: the FF hears about the Avengers’ plight and tries to fly out to help, but the U.S. government refuses to grant them permission to leave since the U.S. is on friendly terms with Latveria, and the FF’s interference could cause an international incident.  And that’s it.  Hope you enjoyed the cameo!  Bye, FF!

Now back to Dr. Doom’s Christmas Carol, already in progress.

 
Quicksilver overhears the heartbroken parents discussing Tiny Tim’s plight, and he and the other Avengers immediately come up with a plan to stop Doom and open the dome in time.

Look, I don’t want to sound heartless here, but we saw Tiny Tim earlier.  He was on crutches, but he otherwise seemed like a happy healthy kid.  He’s not dying, he doesn’t have some painful disease, and he didn’t seem to be in any discomfort.  Sure it sucks that Doom won’t let them out to see the surgeon, but I think he’ll be just fine whether he gets the surgery now, a month from now, or never.  Why is this so urgent?  Is this kid’s particular brand of “crippled”-ness so specific that you really need THIS DOCTOR AND ONLY THIS DOCTOR to operate on him?  And if that’s the case, why didn’t you go to him earlier?  For that matter, how did they even find out about this doctor?  As we saw earlier, Latveria doesn’t exactly have a free press.

Also, I’m pretty sure actual physically disabled people get annoyed when they show up in stories just so able-bodied people can “cure” them of the “tragic” condition that they CLEARLY spend their whole lives obsessing over and desiring to be cured of instead of, you know, living their lives.  (I don’t think they appreciate the term “cripple,” either.)  We just don’t know enough about this kid for this subplot to make me do anything but scratch my head.

Plus, why do the Avengers even need this extra motivation to stop Doom?  Weren’t they going to do that anyway?  What’s the point?

Whatever.  More fighting!

 

…what the hell are they doing over there?

And of course the Avengers win (there was a sneeze-smog arrow involved), the dome is opened, and presumably Tiny Tim quotes Dickens as he’s taken to the surgeon.

Issue Twenty-Six begins with Captain America explaining a new method of leaving messages for each other that Tony Stark has developed.  It involves speaking into a microphone that can only be activated by the four Avengers’ voices—because somehow that’s considered foolproof, even though shapeshifters and body swaps abound—but Hawkeye is not impressed.

 

Gee.  I sure hope something terrible will not happen to the others so that Hawkeye will be required to use the new message machine to save them, only to realize that he does not know how because he was goofing off during Cap’s explanation.  That would be just awful.

More squabbling.  More tussling.  Hawkeye leaves.  Rinse and repeat.  Ad nauseum.

Out on the ocean, the Wasp is just leaving on her epic journey to New York.  She moves fast, but still needs to take breaks and occasionally stops to float on the ocean.  During one such stop, she is kidnapped by an undersea wannabe dictator by the name of Attuma, who for some reason thinks that wearing bunny ears will strike fear into the hearts of the innocent.

 

 

Just throw a carrot at him.  That’ll give you time to escape.

Having mistaken Jan for a spy assigned to stop his plans to flood and rule the world, Attuma locks her in a big glass bell jar of doom.  Fortunately, Attuma didn’t realize she is the Wasp, and she is easily able to flit out through an air hole in the bell jar.  From there, she gets to the nearest communication device and, just before escaping to the surface, calls the Avengers to tell them about Attuma’s plans.

Well, most of the Avengers.  Hawkeye is having a grand old time out on the town, flirting with showgirls who demand to see his Avengers communication ring and then promptly drop it.  Oopsie.  When Cap realizes he’s not going to be able to contact the archer anytime soon, he… wait for it… LEAVES A MESSAGE FOR HIM ON THEIR NEW MACHINE.  DUN-DUN-DUNNNN~~

Fifteen minutes later, Attuma’s forces and the Avengers are at each other’s throats.

 

 

Uhhhh, you could use your hex power to give yourself scuba gear, maybe?  Or fix the air to your liking, maybe?  Not only would that solve your problem, it would also put the Atlanteans in your position, making it difficult for them to breathe?  You maybe want to give that a try?

To his credit, Attuma realizes Scarlet Witch is the most dangerous Avenger and knocks her out first.  It’s never a good day when the villain is less of a ding-dong than the narrator.

Quicksilver dashes off to look for the machine that will raise the world’s tides, but Attuma tells him that said machine is not on this ship and makes short work of the not-scarlet speedster.  But like many villains, Attuma’s downfall is his hubris: when an underling rightly points out that he had an unfair advantage due to the humidity in the air, well…

 
I wonder if the guy who brought this up was secretly on the Avengers’ side the whole time.  We all know that this isn’t going to end well for his plans of world domination.

Back at the mansion, Hawkeye has returned from his night out to find all his teammates missing.  He knows they probably left a message for him but WHAT DO YOU KNOW, HE CAN’T REMEMBER HOW TO USE IT.

To force himself to remember, Hawkeye heads to the lab and immerses himself in a heretofore-unmentioned Stark invention called a subliminal recall-inducer.  I think you can figure out what it does on your own.  But in addition to helping you remember where you put your dang car keys, it also puts the user into a deep coma.  While Hawkeye sits there helpless, a shadowy figure appears in the doorway to the lab, ready to strike!

These two issues were a lot better than the previous two.  The plots are back to being a fun kind of stupid rather than an annoying one, and maybe, just MAYBE, this experience will teach Hawkeye to shut his mouth and respect his teammates for a change.  Yes, I know I said that last time.  I can’t help having a blue power ring, can I?

To read Avengerous Tales 1.14, go here!

Images from Avengers #25 and Avengers #26