Avengerous Tales 2.35 - Avengers #136-#137

To read Avengerous Tales 2.34, go here!

 

Before we dive in, I should explain something about Issue 136—it’s a reprint.  See, during the 1970s, Marvel’s creators seemed to have trouble meeting their deadlines from time to time.  When that happened, rather than delaying the book, Marvel would usually print a replacement story that had absolutely nothing to do with whatever ongoing storyline was happening.  In this case, however, they’re reprinting a story from Amazing Adventures #12, originally published in 1972, rather than giving us a new story.

Either way, it was kind of jarring and irritating.  Still, since it’s in an Avengers comic and features both an Avenger and a future Avenger, I’m going to review it anyway.
 

So we open with our old X-buddy the Beast, a.k.a. Hank McCoy, who has apparently been doing research into mutation and ended up accidentally turning himself into, well, the Beast.

 

He creates a disguise for himself so he can get back into his lab at Brand Corporation and try to figure out a cure for his sudden extreme hair growth and/or the fact that his hands are melting.  The next day, wearing his new human suit, he arrives at the lab bright and early to begin work.  But of course things can’t be that simple: Hank is almost immediately interrupted when his boss, Mr. Grant, insists that he meet with some visitors.

 

If you wanted any more proof that Tony has a thing for blonds named Ro(d)gers, here it is.

Tony’s here because he’s looking for new directions in which to take Stark Industries, and he’s considering genetic research.  Marianne is here because... reasons, I guess?  Plot reasons, anyway.  She has a form of ESP that allows her to get a sense of a person’s true nature, among other things.  When Linda Donaldson, Hank’s assistant and girlfriend, shows up, Marianne gets a very bad feeling indeed.  Given that Linda is a member of the Secret Empire—discussed briefly here—this feeling is 100% justified.

Hank, however, doesn’t want to hear anything bad about his lady friend and abandons Tony and Marianne to go out on a lunch date with Linda.  Later, that night, Hank finally gives into the urge to take off his disguise and run around as himself, only to run into Iron Man.  Correctly assuming that Shellhead is here to investigate Linda, Beast doesn’t exactly roll out the welcome wagon.

 

One good thing about this understudy issue: we get a break from Iron Nose.

As you might imagine, fisticuffs ensue.  Iron Man kicks Beast’s behind until security—and Linda Donaldson—show up to find out what jerk is destroying their lab.  This moment of distraction allows Beast time to recover, but the moment he tries to resume the fight, the security guards fire at him.  This makes Beast very angry... and you won’t like him when he’s angry.

 

The pounding is enough to make even Iron Man beg for mercy, but the Beast doesn’t stop until he can no longer hear Iron Man’s heartbeat.  Horrified at his actions, the Beast runs away into a convenient nearby forest.  But fortunately for our Golden Avenger, not all is as it seems...

 

That’s about the end of this issue, so to find out what really happened, Marvel has helpfully provided us with a footnote.  Just as the Beast was completely losing his marbles, a mutant mind controller named Mastermind caused him to hallucinate that he’d murdered Iron Man.  This was all part of a plan to manipulate the Beast into joining the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, which Beast ultimately declined to do.

Also, if you were wondering why Marianne Rodgers never made the transition from Tony Stark’s fiancée to Tony Stark’s wife, it’s because her powers made her go insane and last time I checked she was still in a mental hospital someplace.  I mean, come on.  She was Tony Stark’s girlfriend.  She couldn’t have painted a bigger target on her back if she put on a blue dress and dated a Cartwright.

This issue was good enough.  It kept me entertained, which is the most important thing.  And in a roundabout way, it does kinda-sorta connect to the next actual Avengers issue, as you may have noticed from the cover.

George Tuska is back on arting duties this issue, and just in time for Thor to issue a televised public service announcement that “WE DO SEEK OUT NEW AVENGERS!!”  And why do they do seek, do you ask?

 

FOR THE LOVE OF—have we not had enough of Hawkeye’s posturing and trying to asshole his way to the top?  I thought he actually LEARNED something in the past ten years, but NO.  He’s still the same twerp who argued with Quicksilver and Captain America over who should get to wear the leader hat.  Just—GAH.

Iron Man nominates Moondragon for membership.  She accepts immediately, which Thor will have reason to regret, but anyway, the Avengers then decide to call up all their former members to see if anyone’s interested in rejoining.  First up: Black Panther.

 

I can’t stop laughing at this panel.  When did the Black Panther turn into a pretentious thesaurus-owning dork?  Is Wakanda one of those countries where it’s considered impolite to just straight-out refuse something, so they have these fancy roundabout ways of saying no?  Actually, I like that headcanon.  I’m going with it.

Quicksilver, Captain America (and yes, he is Captain America again by now), Black Widow, and Hercules also turn down the offer (some more politely than others, PIETRO).  The Hulk doesn’t get an invite, probably because Thor has had enough of being yelled at, so that just leaves Yellowjacket and the Wasp.

It’s Janet who answers Thor’s call, and she says that both she and Hank will be more than happy to rejoin the team.  But how does she know that Hank will agree with her if he’s not even there right now?  “Ours is a happy marriage,” she says, “and Hank wants to keep it that way!”

I’d like to say she’s kidding about that, but... well, just wait a few issues.  If you remember anything about their wedding, you will be very unpleasantly unsurprised.

We then cut briefly to Rurutu, where Wanda and Vision are happily honeymooning.  Normally I’d mention this bit only in passing, but if features the Vision in bathing shorts and that is not a sight I am cruel enough to deny my readers.  I’ve got you guys covered.  Which is more than those trunks are doing for Vision.

 

Back at the Mansion, Janet and Hank arrive with some exposition about what they’ve been up to since taking a hiatus from the Avengers.  They were both infected with a bug of sorts that kept them both trapped at ant-size for two years.  While Janet appears to be completely cured, Hank is still partially infected, so he stays at normal-person size unless strictly necessary.

Dang, this issue really seems to be hitting the reset button on the Avengers.  Except for Moondragon, their line-up is almost identical to what it was several years ago, and their personal problems (Hawkeye being a ladder-climbing moron, Hank’s size-change issues) all sound awfully familiar.

Oh, and Yellowjacket and Hawkeye beat each other up for no reason for about a page.  Ahhh, just like the old days!

So while Hawkeye stomps out to use Doctor Doom’s old time machine to go ask the Black Knight if he’d like to rejoin the team (he’s chosen to hang out in the 12^th century for a while, if you recall), the Avengers break into Yankee Stadium to use it as a training ground for any potential recruits they attract as a result of Thor’s TV announcement.

Their first applicant is the Beast, who decides to come dressed as Edward G. Robinson for no reason.  Maybe he’s trying to show off his disguise skills.  Admittedly, that could come in handy as a crime-fighter, especially when you’re blue and furry.  Their second applicant: Mysterious Voice From the Shadows Who Wants Them All Dead!

 

...Is Yankee Stadium a football field in the Marvel universe?

According to Thor, their attacker is the Stranger, a real piece of work who likes kidnapping beings from various planets and studying them, all while wearing no pants.  He now wants to play a little game with Earth’s Mightiest Heroes (that never bodes well).  One-fifth of the hover mines is packed with explosives, and the Avengers have just two minutes to weave their way around all of them to get to a kill switch before the Stranger just kills everyone.

Thor dives in headfirst and ends up knocking himself out right away, and his actions take Iron Man down as well.  The Wasp is the next to try to reach the switch, but she gets knocked out too (because of course she friggin does), and when Yellowjacket tries to go after her, Moondragon knocks him out to keep him safe.  That leaves it up to the Beast, with his superhuman eyesight and acrobatic abilities, to dodge the mines and deactivate them all.  Yay!

 

Juuuuust like the good old days *flips table*

The Stranger finally shows his pantsless self and briefly does mind-battle with Moondragon before getting bored and flying away, swearing revenge.

I am glad to see some new blood injected into the book but, like I intimated before, this is a little TOO much like the good old days for me.  I don’t mind the return of old familiar characters, but I really wish Englehart had left the old familiar unsavory character traits in the past where they belonged.  Next thing you know Rick Jones will be back whining about wanting Avengers membership.

To read Avengerous Tales 2.36, go here!

Images from Avengers #136 and Avengers #137