Avengerous Tales 2.23 - Avengers #116-#117

To read Avengerous Tales 2.22, go here!

Before I start discussing the Avengers today, we need to discuss another comic: The Defenders.

See, the previous issue of The Avengers was basically a set up for a big crossover with The Defenders, which focused on the adventures of another set of heroes who defend instead of avenge, I guess?

 

Oh well exCUSE ME.  P.S. Namor, Ken called, he wants his magic earring back.

So anyway, the Defenders are a superhero team COMPLETELY UNLIKE the Avengers, and their not-members include the Sub-Mariner, the Hulk, Dr. Strange, the Silver Surfer, and Valkyrie.  No, not the straw feminist version that was a disguise for the Enchantress; this is the version that the Enchantress just created with her magic and the body of some lady named Barbara.  It’s complicated and irrelevant to the current plot, so let’s skip ahead and just recap the actual pertinent issues—Defenders #4 and Defenders #8—for you real quick.

Due to other complicated and irrelevant events, the Defenders ended up in Garrett Castle, and they go on a big adventure together with the Black Knight and the Enchantress, who’s playing the Black Knight for a sap and even turns him to stone after their adventure is over.

Dr. Strange takes Black Knight’s… body?… to his sanctum sanctorum for safe keeping and puts up a magical barrier around Garrett Castle so no one will break in while Black Knight is, um, out.  Valkyrie takes the Black Knight’s horse, Aragorn, and his sword, the Ebony Blade, for safekeeping (and buttkicking) as well.

Four issues later, Issue Eight, is the official beginning of our crossover event.  Doctor Strange has finally discovered a way to end this rocky period in Black Knight’s life and summons his Defender friends to come hear the news.  Turns out Strange has located Black Knight’s soul, which has been banished to another dimension ever since his body was turned to stone.  Strange uses his magic to send a message to the Black Knight, who says he’s okay but he’d like to be rescued if it’s all the same to everyone.

Unfortunately, Dormammu and Loki have also been hanging out in this same dimension, and they intercept the Black Knight’s reply, replacing it with some false information: the only way to get the Black Knight home is with the use of a magical artifact called the Evil Eye.  Despite the obviously ominous name—and the fact that it’s supposed to have been destroyed—the Defenders suspect nothing and race off to either find it or die trying.

And that brings us to Avengers #116, which begins with the Avengers barging into Doctor Strange’s sanctum sanctorum.  If you’ll recall, the Avengers believe that Strange is responsible for the Black Knight’s disappearance, so they don’t have much incentive to be polite right now.

 

Fun Fact: Asian people like referring to themselves in the third person.  The more you know!  Thanks, Marvel!

Before getting tossed out, the Avengers catch a glimpse of the stoned Black Knight, which confirms their suspicions that Strange was behind his disappearance.

Speaking of Strange, he and the other Defenders (and Hawkeye) take little notice of the Avengers’ intrusion, so focused are they on consulting the Orb of Agamotto in an attempt to discover the whereabouts of the Evil Eye.  Long story short, the Human Torch and some buddies tried to destroy it, but the Evil Eye is basically indestructible and split itself into six tinier Evil Eyes that landed in various places around the world.  Conveniently, there are also six Defenders (and Hawkeye), and they each pick a place or two to go.

 

“I told you no double-dipping!”

Meanwhile, Loki finally notices that Dormammu probably won’t stop at conquering Earth—he’s gonna want Asgard, too, and nobody but Loki is allowed to conquer Asgard, dangit!  The God of Mischief, still being blind, decides he’s going to need a little help in regaining his sight and stopping Dormammu’s scheme, and projects an image of himself to Earth to find that help.  Who can he possibly turn to?

 

Fun Fact: Blind people are incapable of lying.  Boy, Marvel sure is a fount of wisdom today, aren’t they?

Loki asks to see Thor, who just happens to be right there, and tells them that the Defenders are evil evildoers bent on ruling the universe.  The Avengers take him at his word because again, being blind means he MUST be telling the whole truth, and split up just like the Defenders did.

Our first Avenger vs. Defender battle is between the Scarlet Witch and the Vision and the Silver Surfer, who clash on Rurutu, a French Polynesian island (and an actual place, surprisingly).  Surfer accidentally sets off a volcano in his search for the Evil Eye, destroying the Scarlet Witch’s quinjet.  Vision, who HAD been planning on trying to resolve things peacefully, throws rationality out the window.

 

“I’m going to hug you until you apologize!”

Silver Surfer, not realizing his actions have (not fatally) hurt the Scarlet Witch, fights back.  Their battle unearths the piece of the Evil Eye, but before Vision can grab it, he notices Wanda in the lava’s path and rushes to save her, which allows the Silver Surfer to gain the Evil Eye.  The Silver Surfer is also apparently stupid, since he flies away to warn the other Defenders that “the Avengers seek the Evil Eye for their own ends, and they attack without cause!”

Fun Fact: Starting a volcanic eruption and thereby endangering the lives of an Avenger and of everyone in a nearby village is insufficient cause for attacking somebody.  Norrid Rad ain’t the brightest herald in the galaxy, is he?

For the next part of our story we must turn to Defenders #9, which I’m not going to do a full review of since it’s not technically an Avengers comic.  I will, however, recap it for you for completion’s sake.  Doctor Strange uses his magic to spy on Avengers Manor (I guess picking up the phone and asking what’s going on is too hard for the master of the mystic arts) and sees the remnants of Loki’s projection as well as the Swordsman, a former criminal (though Strange has apparently not been told of the “former” part).  Meanwhile, Hawkeye and Valkyrie head on down to Mexico to pick up another sixth of the Evil Eye, but not before Hawkeye tries to force himself on his ally.  Because that’s just the type of guy he is.

 

Hawkeye tricks Iron Man into destroying a construction site filled with people, and while Iron Man of course stops to rescue them, Hawkeye leaves the innocent civilians HE ENDANGERED to their fate with the Evil Eye in his fist.  I am really hoping we find out Dormammu or the Evil Eye is influencing the Defenders’ actions here, because otherwise they all suck.  Hard.  Except Hawkeye, who sucked way before this plotline started.

We also get a battle between Mantis, Black Panther, and Doctor Strange in this issue, which takes place in Indiana and ends with Strange defeating the Avengers with the power of magic (and crossdressing).  If you’re keeping score, that makes 3 for the Defenders, 0 for the Avengers.  Let’s see if they can’t turn the tide in Avengers #117.

 

Oh dear.

That’s the Swordsman’s quinjet she just knocked out of the sky, though her monologue indicates she expected an Avenger to be talented enough to land even a damaged plane safely, making her slightly less murderous than her teammates.  The Swordsman does just that and then goes searching for his attacker(s).

He comes upon a European-style castle, which is weird since they’re in the middle of the Bolivian jungle.  We learn from the castle’s tenant, a reclusive American, that the castle was built by an escaped Nazi who was captured a few years after the castle’s completion.  A quick search of the castle reveals that Valkyrie is there too, searching for the Evil Eye.  Cue fight scene!

 

In the middle of their battle, the castle owner locks the door with a giant cartoony padlock.  Well gee, and he seemed so normal, living in a Nazi castle in the middle of nowhere.

 

Turns out our American friend has been hoarding treasure all this time and planned on murdering Valkyrie and Swordsman so that they wouldn’t make off with it.  He shoots the Swordsman with some kind of energy gun, laying him low, but the Swordsman manages to stab him to death before falling down.  Valkyrie offers to get him a doctor, but Swordsman doesn’t trust her not to run off with the Evil Eye.

He’s right to be suspicious too.  The Swordsman falls unconscious, and the minute he does so, Valkyrie pries the Evil Eye out of his hand.  It’s at this moment that the police, having seen lots of weird flying things around the castle, come storming in to investigate.  I’m not sure why there are police here, since it was earlier stated they’re in the middle of a jungle.  What do they do all day in that jurisdiction, ticket the sloths for loitering?

So Valkyrie’s got the Evil Eye and the Swordsman is getting medical care from the Bolivian jungle cops.  (Note to self: Make Bolivian Jungle Cops the name of my new sitcom.)  Where to next?  Osaka, Japan!

 

“We’re gonna do a tango the likes of which you losers have never even DREAMED of!”

Cap and Namor go at it for a while (and by that I mean they fight, not dance).  Namor tries to swim away, only to bellyflop onto the shield that Cap threw in the nick of time.  It’s pretty hilarious, but then a local hero and sometimes-X-Man named Sunfire shows up to throw the proverbial monkey wrench into the works.

 

Hey now, is that any way to talk about the country that gave you disco?

Sunfire makes off with the Evil Eye in what I’m sure will be a futile attempt to teach Cap and Subby a lesson.  Namor flies after him and Cap, whose head wings are as useless as Namor’s ankle wings should be, grabs hold of his legs so he won’t be left behind.

 

Namor tells Captain America the truth as he knows it—that Enchantress turned Black Knight to stone (right) and that the Evil Eye is the only way to save him (wrong)—before dumping him in the ocean.  Cap isn’t quite sure what to believe, so when Namor’s fight with Sunfire results in the Evil Eye ending up in his (Cap’s) hand, Cap willingly turns it over to Namor.  They’ve both begun to suspect that someone has manipulated both the Avengers and the Defenders into this fight, and they’re determined to find out the truth once and for all.

As much as I generally dislike hero vs. hero battles, the knowledge that everyone’s going to come to their senses and team up against the REAL bad guys by the end makes this one palatable enough.  Like I said, my only problem is the actions of some of the Defenders, which are frankly deplorable, even given that they’re trying to save the Black Knight’s life.  Do they really think Dane Whitman would be cool with them attempting murder just for him?  Not if he’s worth the name Avenger, he wouldn’t be.

To read Avengerous Tales 2.24, go here!

Images from Defenders #4, Avengers #116, Defenders #9 and Avengers #117