Avengerous Tales 2.14 - Avengers #98-#99

To read Avengerous Tales 2.13, go here!

A brief sojourn to Thor #196-#197 before we begin this Avengerous Tale:

Asgard was under attack from a being called Mangog, which Odin himself created because he’s a genocidal a-hole, but that’s a long story and we’re not going to get into it right now.  The point is, Mangog’s on a rampage, and to protect the rest of the universe, Odin breaks the Rainbow Bridge and whisks Asgard away to a separate dimension.

(Art by Barry Smith and Sal Buscema.)

Okay!  So if you remember from last time, all the Avengers had just come back from space except Goliath, who’s still out there missing.  Naturally, the other Avengers are very concerned about this.

 

A WEEK???  Goliath has been missing for a week, and you’re only just NOW getting around to discussing this???  Did you learn nothing from the Interdimensional Gas Station Incident?!!

So Thor goes to Asgard to make use of the magic there, Iron Man goes to one of Tony Stark’s other houses to use some unnamed “resources” there, and Captain America turns on the boob tube to catch up on what’s been happening in New York while he was gallivanting around in space. 

He does not like what he sees: a firebrand named Mr. Tallon, a.k.a. Warhawk, and his goons are whipping/hypnotizing a crowd into a frenzy over how they should destroy America’s (non-white) enemies, which is a response to the leader of a communist country paying America a visit and aw, criminy, it’s the Sons of the Serpent all over again.  Goddammit, Marvel.

 

“We gotta get to the Apple store before they run out of the new iPhone!  Move move move!”

Quicksilver creates a barrier around the would-be rioters with sandbags he snagged from a nearby construction site.  Cap hops on top of the barrier, prepared to lecture everyone into submission, but then Warhawk orders his lackey to start playing his hypnotic little tune again.  The Avengers—and Rick, who tagged along for some reason even though he said his heroing days were over like six panels ago—quickly fall under its spell and decide to join the rioters in kicking some commies.

Back at the Mansion, Thor returns, having been unable to get into Asgard thanks to the before-mentioned bridge-burning.  The Vision, meanwhile, tries to call Iron Man, only to find that he too has fallen under Warhawk’s spell.  With no other choice, Vision goes to Stark’s house while Thor heads for the hotel where the mob is trying to break in and beat up the communist leader guy.

We follow Vision first, and Iron Man is not exactly laying out the welcome mat for him.

 

This would be 75% more intimidating with black eye and mouth slits instead.  Still, he does manage to knock Vision’s super-dense body into the piper who’s playing the hypnotic music, killing him and releasing everyone in the vicinity from his spell.  Fortunately, Vision’s pretty hardy, so Iron Man is only responsible for one death today.  The two Avengers head out to go help Thor.

Speaking of Thor, he’s found Mr. Tallon, whom he recognizes as…

 

Again with this BS about a foreigner swooping in and using racial tensions as a tool for his own, greater purpose.  Whee.

To be fair, in this case, they seem to be focusing more on the political aspect rather than the racial one (i.e. the people seemed more pissed about communism than Asians or people of color in general).  And Ares’s entire schtick is making people fight each other.  And Ares is a white guy who hypnotized people of all colors, so… fine.  I’ll let it slide.

Ares starts up the music again, and as you may have noticed, only Vision and Thor are immune.  Iron Man repulsors the former, while Scarlet Witch deals with the latter by trapping Mjolnir in one of her hex spheres.   (Does that mean that Wanda is worthy?)  Iron Man tackles Thor to the ground and the crowd is upon him in an instant; he doesn’t want to fight back for fear of hurting someone, and the Vision is still down for the count. 

Just when it seems like all is lost, an arrow comes whizzing through the air and bursts the hex sphere, allowing Thor to snag his hammer and give a nice speech about how everyone should be hating on Ares instead of each other.

 

Ares orders his pipers to start playing again, but Vision knocks their heads together and reveals them as satyrs.  Satyrs appeared in both Greek and Roman mythologies—we’re probably most familiar with the goat man version that appeared in Disney’s Hercules, but as it turns out, that is actually the Roman version and they’re called fauns.  The Greek version was either totally human or half-horse.

Now that I’ve confused and bored you all, let’s finish this issue.  Ares has escaped, but the Avengers are much more interested in where that crucial arrow came from.

 

Hey, if Clint wants to wear a dress, more power to him.  Not very practical, but that’s never been a strong point with him anyway.

Oh, and it gets better.  Hawkeye has brought a friend, and it’s none other than Hawkeye’s fellow skirt-wearing Avenger, Hercules.  What’s more, Herc has no memory of who he is or anything else except a poem about how Earth and Asgard are doomed.

DAYUM this comic’s been picking up lately!  Alright, nerds and nerdlings, let’s buckle up and see where this thing goes!

(Buscema abandons us this issue, leaving us with the mediocre stylings of Barry Smith.  I miss Neal Adams…)

So the Avengers stick Hercules in some kind of Mjolnir-powered memory jogging machine, but all it does is cause him pain, which annoys Hawkeye to no end because he’s the only one with scruples.  It’s a sad day indeed when Hawkeye has to be the Avengers’ moral compass.

The Avengers finally turn the useless thing off and ask Hawkeye where the heck he’s been for the past week.  Remember, the last we saw of him, he was trying to stop the Skrulls from nuking Earth, and he didn’t have a convenient suit of armor to fly it away or a convenient wormhole in the sky to dispose of it with.

 

He does, however, have the power of MacGyver apparently, and he whips up an improv bow and arrow.  Even though he should have brought a bow and arrow with him in the first place since he knew he had no growth serum left, but anyway.  He lights up the Skrull ship and escapes in what I assume is a scout ship, landing in Yugoslavia and meeting up with a traveling circus.  They agree to take him to the nearest city if he pays his way by performing archery—which, if you’ll remember his origin story, is not exactly a new thing for him.

Incidentally, Hawkeye also speculates that the reason he didn’t get zapped to the Kree Galaxy along with the other Avengers was because the explosion threw off the Intelligence Supreme.  Which is dumb, because we saw Mr. Supreme zapping people from GALAXIES AWAY, and that explosion was pretty small in the cosmic scheme of things.  Is he just like Green Lantern and his powers don’t work around yellow?

By a staggering coincidence, Hawkeye is not the only Avenger who’s hooked up with this particular circus, as he finds out that night when his wagon is nearly washed away and he needs to be rescued by the circus’s strong man, “Hercules.”

 

The circus found him moping and memoryless by some Grecian ruins and decided to adopt him.  I for one am starting to get mighty suspicious of this circus.  Or do we all think that they just happened to stumble across two lost Avengers in such a short time span?  The Avengers should keep an eye on these folks…

When they get to Belgrade, Hawkeye calls up Stark Industries and talks to Kevin O’Brien, Tony Stark’s super-Irish friend, who promises to get him a flight home.  Then of course Kevin lost his marbles thanks to a suit of armor Tony built for him and died fighting Iron Man in Iron Man #46, buuut anyway.

So now that everyone’s home safe and sound, the Avengers need to find a way to bring back Hercules’s memory.  They call Black Panther and Ant-Man, who aren’t any help at all, but Hawkeye has more important things on his mind.  Namely, harassing Wanda.

“…in which case, Witchie, there’s weddin’ bells in your future!”

She hasn’t even said she likes you back, you sleaze, and you’re already bringing up marriage?  I’m rescinding my Most Improved Avenger Award.  You’re turning into Gaston, for crying out loud!  Oh, and as the cherry on the sundae, Wanda’s eyes were blue in the previous panel.  Either the colorist wasn’t on speaking terms with the writer, or Hawkeye is even worse at romance than I thought.

Vision overhears their conversation and isn’t real thrilled.  Quicksilver is even less thrilled, grilling Wanda until she admits she’s in love with the Vision.

Meanwhile, downstairs…

 

For some reason, Hercules can’t or won’t fight in his own defense, so the Avengers readily take up arms—all except the Vision, who’s having a philosophical discussion in the pantry with holy crow is that Jarvis?

The hell did Barry Smith do to Jarvis?  He’s supposed to look like this!

 

The Vision finally hears the racket from the other room and goes to the rescue, but he’s really no help: he sees the Scarlet Witch lying on the floor and refuses to leave her side, not even to prevent Ares’s lackeys from teleporting away with Hercules, despite knowing she isn’t seriously injured.

In his defense, it’s implied that his computer brain is so messed up by these unfamiliar feelings of love that it basically renders him useless.  But the Avengers are still upset with him—even Scarlet Witch—and they agree to decide on an appropriate penalty once the world is safe.  They make this declaration in the worst group shot I have ever seen.

 
This is like a punishment for my eyes.  Cap looks more horrified than determined, Thor is making a stupid face and blocking 90% of both Quicksilver and Hawkeye from the camera, Scarlet Witch is nowhere to be seen, and Iron Man is probably drunk under that helmet because you would be too if you had to be in a shot like that. 

To read Avengerous Tales 2.15, go here!

Images from Avengers #98, Avengers #99 and Avengers #55