Avengerous Tales 1.2 - Avengers #3-#4

To read Avengerous Tales 1.1, click here!
 

Ya gotta love the font on these old covers.  It makes The Avengers look like the title to a sitcom starring Marlo Thomas, not a superhero comic.

The first of today’s two avengerous tales begins with another team meeting, at which no one is nice enough to say anything about Iron Man’s new wardrobe, not even polite stock phrases.

 

Raise your hand if you think Thor should end every sentence with “so says Thor” from now on.  Just think of the possibilities—

“My back itches.  So says Thor.” 

“YOLO.  So says Thor.” 

“Gravitational force is equal to the universal gravitational constant times the mass of object x times the mass of object y, divided by the distance between objects x and y squared.  So says Thor.”

At least someone finally realized that they should go after the Hulk.

 

Clumsy exposition, awaaaaay!  (And this isn’t even necessary—they’ve already told us where they are and what they’re doing.)

Iron Man uses the image projector to beam a life-size hologram of himself into the unsuspecting paths of New York’s other heroes; the Fantastic Four, Spider-Man, and the X-Men all receive a visit from the Ghost of Iron Man Past (well, Iron Man is sorta Christmas colored), asking them to contact the Avengers if they hear anything about the Hulk’s whereabouts.  They all agree, some more obnoxiously than others.  (“Look, do I tell you my troubles?” gripes Spider-Man.)  I assume this was necessary because all the other superheroes forgot to pay their phone bills and therefore could not be reached by telephone.

 

Let the record show that Iron Man wants Mr. Fantastic.  Oh I think we all know what direction that flame meter is going in.

The Avengers then hit upon the idea of contacting Rick Jones, who is now back in New Mexico after appearing in New York last issue for no good reason.  Rick has been searching for the Hulk on his own.  When he finds him, Rick helps him change back to Bruce Banner and convinces him to take a nap. 

The respite doesn’t last long, however—Bruce soon changes back, and the Hulk is angrier than ever at his “weak” alter-ego and determined to remain as the super-powerful Hulk.  Rick radios the Avengers for assistance, and for what I’m pretty sure is the first time in an Avengers comic, we see Tony Stark in normal clothes.  And smoking a pipe.  Because it’s not like he has a severe, potentially deadly heart condition or anything, don’t worry, he’ll be fine.

 

“Well I already bought the smoking jacket.  Might as well.”

The Avengers converge on New Mexico, and a pretty spiffy fight on top of a moving train ensues.  Said fight ends when Giant-Man is defeated by flour.

 

I genuinely have no idea whether to feel bad for him or to laugh at how melodramatic he is in his failure.  Oh Hank. <3

The Hulk escapes, taking refuge in a truck and then trying to swim his way to the Gulf Stream.  He ends up on a deserted island where the Sub-Mariner, who has been stalking him the whole time, is waiting for him.  They bond over their mutual hatred of humanity—though where these two are concerned, “bond” should be read as “kick each other’s butts”—and agree to team up to destroy the Avengers.  But the truce is forged in treachery: both characters’ thought bubbles show their mutual distrust and plans to eliminate each other once their goals are met.

Sub-Mariner sends the Avengers a message, presumably with lots of yo’ mama jokes and rude doodles in the margins, and our heroes go to confront them at the Rock of Gibraltar.  They fight for a while, until Thor scares the demi-dastardly duo away with his hammer.  (No, not that one.) (Although Namor does mention Thor’s “naked power,” so maybe that one.)  Our… villains?  Antagonists?  Poor misunderstood babies?  I’m never sure what to call the Hulk… flee into a series of caves.  Wasp follows, only to narrowly avoid getting crushed when Hulk tries to knock the walls down AND getting stepped on when Iron Man, Thor, and Giant-Man come thundering down the tunnel.

Now that the men are here, we can start one last fight scene.

 

Whoa there, I had no idea Asgardians were so flexible.

Namor meets his defeat at the hands of Thor and Giant-Man, and the Hulk can’t help him because he has turned back into Bruce Banner thanks to “the excitement… the stress” of battle.  I’ll admit I’m not as well-versed on the Hulk’s history as I am with some of the other characters, but from what I can tell, the whole “you won’t like me when I’m angry” thing hadn’t been introduced yet.  When, where and why Banner becomes the Hulk, and vice versa, is fairly random, although other comics from this period indicate that the Hulk starts taking control of the transformations, allowing Banner less and less time as himself.

Namor makes his escape while swearing revenge, this isn’t over, etc., etc. not long after Banner flees.  Incidentally, if you’re curious, Marvel expanded on this issue a year later in Journey into Mystery #112 by showing us a Thor vs. Hulk battle that took place between panels.  It’s nothing special, just Thor and Hulk hitting each other a lot.  Does it count as fanfiction when you write it about your own characters?

What is interesting is what happens after Namor abandons the fight, which leads us straight into Avengers #4.  The Sub-Mariner flees to the Arctic, griping and angsting the whole way.  He comes across a group of “eskimos” who are worshipping a shadowy dude frozen in a block of ice.  Namor, still in a bad mood, scares them all away.

 
Cuz, y’know, I wasn’t offended enough by the stereotypical portrayal of a native group, now you have to start with the name-calling.  Granted, Namor is supposed to be a jerk, and if I thought for two seconds the nicer characters wouldn’t have described the “eskimos” in similar terms, I’d be willing to let this go.  Unfortunately, The Avengers had some rather special ideas about racism back in the ‘60s, which we’ll get to in due time.

As I’m sure you’ve already guessed, the figure in the ice is the long-lost (in more ways than one) Captain America.  A Joe Simon/Jack Kirby creation and shameless rip-off of the Shield from 1941, Cap as a character was so entrenched in World War II culture and patriotism that he couldn’t survive for long after the war ended and quietly disappeared into history.  According to Mark Evanier’s book Kirby: King of Comics, Marvel made an attempt to revive Captain American in the 1950s.  Obviously this didn’t pan out, and Cap had to wait a few more years to make his triumphant return.  Which would be now.

In his rage, Namor causes an avalanche that sends Cap’s personal glacier careening into the ocean.  It starts drifting towards warmer waters and, as Captain America thaws out, he just happens to cross paths with the homeward bound Avengers.  Because it’s not like the Atlantic Ocean is REALLY FLIPPING HUGE or anything like that.

 

This artwork is so pretty I want to cry.

Cap wakes up and, as you can imagine, is rather confused.  First he starts shouting for his sidekick Bucky, only to quickly remember that Bucky’s dead, and then he proves that he’s the real Captain America by letting the Avengers attack him.  (They fail.)  Once the testosterone levels go down a bit, everyone sits down and has a nice little chat about just where Cap has been for the last twenty years.

Cap tells them about how he and Bucky tried to stop a drone plane full of explosives.  Bucky was killed in the resulting explosion, and Cap plummeted into the ocean, where he “must have been frozen in an ice floe” which saved his life and prevented him from aging.

If you think that’s a stupid way for someone to get from the 1940s to the 1960s, you aren’t the only one.  Again from Evanier’s book, both Stan Lee and Jack Kirby would try to pin the suspended-in-ice idea on each other.  Me, I like that idea just fine, but considering how often each of them tried to take credit for ideas which the other one also tried to take credit for, the fact that they are now trying to shift credit/blame is Kind Of A Big Deal.

Anyway, the Avengers make it back to New York and are promptly accosted by reporters wanting to know about their battle with the Hulk.  But before they can say anything or announce Captain America’s return, a strange flash of light turns them all into statues.

 

Wow, 1960s newsmen were really jaded.  I think I might like Cap’s reaction better, though.

 

“Hmmm, here are some rather unusual-looking statues of my new friends, all of whom have just mysteriously gone missing, standing right where they would have been when they got out of the sub.  WELP, TIME TO GO OGLE SOME LADIES.”

Captain America wanders around on his own for a while, marveling at the new architecture and technology and (yes) ogling ladies.  At this point, I’m really not sure what to make of the good captain.  On the one hand, walking right by the Avengers “statues” was mind-bogglingly stupid, but on the other hand, Cap also seems very resourceful and self-sufficient.  Here he is in a world that’s twenty years beyond everything he ever knew, and he’s managed to get around on his own perfectly well and even figure out how to work a hotel television with no help.  It’s kind of a weird dichotomy, though I guess we can put it down to his only being defrosted for a few hours.

While at the hotel, Cap is paid a visit by Rick Jones (how is he bouncing between New York and New Mexico all the time?  Are the Avengers just paying his airfare for some reason???).  Cap mistakes Rick for Bucky at first, lending further credence to my “he’s not quite right in the head yet” theory, but when Cap finds out the Avengers are missing—even though he should have known that already—he is more than willing to help out.

Captain America and Rick get a hold of some pictures from the press conference earlier, and oddly enough, someone took a picture of the photographers instead of the Avengers.  Good thing, though, as they spot a weird man with a strange-looking device that is most definitely not a camera.  Rick’s Teen Brigade canvases the city looking for the man, with Cap investigating every lead they come up with.

 
“This is my destiny—monologing to myself while running across rooftops in tight, brightly-colored spandex.  It’s a good life.”

They track the weird guy to an apartment, and even though weird guy has lots of friends with big shiny guns, Cap defeats them with ease.  As it turns out, the weird guy was an alien in disguise, who has been stranded on Earth for centuries after his spaceship crashed into the ocean.  In a deal with the Sub-Mariner, the alien (who never gives us his name) agreed to turn the Avengers to stone in return for help in getting his ship free.  Why he thinks it would still be operational after centuries soaking in salt water and brine is beyond me, but maybe thousand-year-old aliens don’t believe in corrosion.

Cap makes the alien a new deal (a new deal!  Because he grew up in the Depression!)—free the Avengers, and they will help free the spaceship.  The alien agrees, and when Namor finds out, he decides to attack the Avengers in revenge.

 

Giant-Man swallowed a capsule.  Underwater.  Did the creators just not know how water works?

The battle doesn’t really end until the alien launches his spaceship, creating a massive explosion.  Namor makes the classic supervillain mistake of assuming his enemies won’t survive and retreats.

Of course the Avengers do survive, and Iron Man proposes to Captain America (to become an Avenger).  Cap says yes, and Rick worries if becoming Captain America’s new partner (in crimefighting) will be seen by the Hulk as cheating (on their friendship).  I’m not sure why Rick is so convinced that Cap wants him to be his Replacement Bucky—is it because they worked together for all of one page?  Because Cap mistook him for Bucky while still adjusting to the future/waking up from a nap?  Cap has said jack-all about making Rick his partner, so frankly, Rick’s thoughts here seem less “future sidekick” and more “Sally crushing on Linus.”

I know I make fun of them for being cheesy, but hot dang are these comics great.  I especially liked today’s issues, not just because it brought back a historic character, but because the villains weren’t really villains (except Namor, who is a jerk).  There’s Hulk, of course.  And the alien guy just wanted to go home and, after so many years of being stranded, was desperate enough to do anything to get there.  That doesn’t mean their actions weren’t wrong; it just means they’re human.  Yes, even alien guy.  I wouldn‘t want ALL bad guys to be like that, but considering how often we see two-dimensional characters in ‘60s comics (though that was more DC’s problem than Marvel’s), this is like a nice little vacation at Complexityville.

To read Avengerous Tales 1.3, go here!

Images from Avengers #3 and Avengers #4