Teen Titans Go! #25

Don’t worry, this is a review of the comic book based on the Teen Titans cartoon and has nothing to do with Teen Titans Go! the TV show.  And by the way, DC?  If you’re looking to get me a Christmas present in return for all my years of loyal fanning, you can cancel that pathetic pile of busted Christmas lights and leave Teen Titans Season Six in my stocking.

Okay, enough with the negativity.  The rest of this review will be nothing but happy Christmas happiness, I promise.

So Teen Titans Go #25 was published in 2005, but the copy I have was reprinted in DC Nation Super Spectacular #2, a magazine published in 2012.  I’m sure they’re the same, though.

We begin in basically the same way that Justice League Unlimited #28 did: with our heroes beating up a villain who’s decided to rob a department store just before Christmas.  Only this time, it’s the good guys disguised as Santa and his elves, and instead of Clayface traumatizing everyone we have Billy Numerous doing some last minute holiday shopping… for himself.  Himselves?

 
"Screw this, I'm gonna go put up my Festivus pole."

Billy becomes enamored of the store’s last Game Station X, a hard-to-find video game console (seriously, were all the people writing comics based on cartoons working from the same writing prompts that year?).  The Titans are having serious difficulty in defeating the dozens and dozens of Billy clones until Robin gets an idea.  He has Raven whisk him away to Titans Tower, and when they return, he’s got another console, which he promises to give to Billy… but only to ONE Billy.  Billy takes the bait and makes all his duplicate selves disappear.

"Whoops."

So where did Robin get that game console so quick?  Turns out that was supposed to be his Christmas present to Beast Boy, but once they capture Billy, Robin decides to give the console to a guy in the store who had been looking for a Game Station X for his nephew.  Yeah, sure.  His "nephew."  Who wants to bet that he doesn't even have a sibling and is going to spend Christmas day playing MarioKart with his downstairs neighbor?

After a quick video chat with their buddies over at Titans East, the Titans get down to the very important business of exchanging Christmas gifts.  Robin, having given away the gift he was going to give, promises to buy Beast Boy a replacement video game console as soon as they’re in stock again.  Beast Boy gets over it quickly enough and is eager to make with the gift-giving.  The Titans decided to do a Secret Santa this year, and Beast Boy pulled Cyborg’s name out of the hat.

"Stainless steel, custom monogrammed hubcap for the T-Car!
--Th-They're b-b-b-beautiful!"

 

But as much as he loves the new hubcaps, it turns out Cyborg sold his new tires to buy an antique bookshelf for Raven—who, of course, sold most of her books so she could buy a food processor for Starfire, which Beast Boy and Cyborg are super-psyched about.

"Okay, it's very 'gift of the Magi' and 'true meaning of Christmas' that we've all sacrificed something to get these cool presents for each other, but..."
"...Look what you've done!  Now she MUST prepare us stuff!"

 

Such joy.  Such cheer.

But wait!  Before Starfire can get started on a scrumptious holiday dinner of turkey stuffed with glurk scales and blaach tails, and cranberries with mustard and mint frosting (a true holiday classic), Starfire remembers that she hasn’t given her own Secret Santa present yet.  The only person who hasn’t gotten a gift yet is Robin, and so Starfire presents him with…

Why is Robin crossing his fingers behind his back?  Is he hoping the kiss won’t count if he does that?

The comic ends with the other Titans wishing us all a merry Christmas.

This comic is like red-and-green cotton candy: it’s sweet and fluffy and Christmassy, but there’s nothing of substance here.  It hits all the notes you’d expect a Christmas comic to hit, no more no less.  It’s a little disappointing, actually, considering how amazing the TV show could be.  I mean, the O. Henry bit was old when The Honeymooners did it, but I think a lot of media—not just comic books—tend to get lazy and fall back on clichés around the holidays because they know the public is willing to accept a double dose of schmaltz at this time of year.

And to be honest, it kind of works.

Yes, I just railed against how unoriginal this comic is, but it still put a smile on my face because dangit it’s Christmas.  Though part of the reason for my smiling may have been because the comic reminded me how much I loved Teen Titans.  (How long has it been since I’ve seen it?  So sad…) And I’d still like to see a more creative Christmas comic sometime.  If anyone has any suggestions, I’ll see what I can do for next year.
 

Images from Teen Titans Go #25

Sorry about the crummy pictures.  I figured I'd save time by just taking photos with my phone instead of dragging out the scanner, but my new cameraphone isn't as good as my old one. :\