Spitballing - Thor

Alternate Title: Thor From The Point Of View Of Someone Who Just Got Through Reading The Poetic Edda And The Prose Edda And Is Going To Be Pretentious About It

So last week I saw Thor for the first time and decided that the best thing to do would be to tell the internet about it.  And no, I am NOT usually this far behind in watching superhero movies.  (Wait, Iron Man 3?  What happened to Iron Man 1?)  Like with my review of the pilot for Arrow, I didn't bother thinking any of this through before spitting it out onto the screen, so if I misremember something or say something that makes no sense, that is why.

Okay.

First things first, and this is the first Marvel movie I actually enjoyed.  I've never understood Marvel's reputation as a good movie maker, because the Spider-Man films just barely skimmed so-bad-it's-good territory, Fantastic Four and X-Men (not including First Class which I haven't seen) were mediocre and X-Men Origins: Wolverine was just plain bad.  Sure, Thor is far from perfect (never mind scenery chewing, this was an all-out scenery buffet), but it was fun, entertaining, and surprisingly free of gore.  Yay!

Now, how does Loki's Aesir-glamor thing work exactly?  We see in the flashback that Odin is able to touch him and make him look "human," but then the touch of the Frost Giant burns Volstagg?  Do baby Frost Giants not have the ability to burn people yet?  And how deep does the glamor go?  Even if Loki looks like everyone else on Asgard, he's still a Frost Giant, so shouldn't he burn people regardless?  Or is that part of the glamor?  Or has nobody ever hugged the poor guy?  Or maybe--*head explodes*

I'm a little disappointed by the women in the film.  Sure, Sif was a badass, and Darcy seemed like she could have been a fun character if she had more than fifteen minutes of screentime, but Jane struck me as your typical super-cute-and-smart-but-adorably-awkward scientist lady.  A little actual personality would have been nice.  And Frigga?  Oh, yeah, I totally wanted another superhero movie where the entire focus is on the father/son(s) relationship while the mother is shunted to the side.  Thanks, Marvel.

And speaking of parents, can we dispense with the voting this year and crown Odin as Worst Father Ever?  On the basis of the ending alone?  Dude--your obviously unstable son is clinging to dear life and begging for your approval, and instead of pulling him to safety and saving the family drama for the safety of your living room YOU TELL HIM NO????  And then when--surprise surprise--he lets go, you show less emotion about it than Thor, a.k.a. the guy who Loki tried to murder with a walking garbage disposal?  ARGH.  Go to your room and think about what you've done, mister.  Just ARGH.

Needless to say, the movie takes Norse mythology and stomps it into a pancake.  They changed Laufey's gender and Sif's hair color (and no I'm not being petty, Sif's blondeness is an important part of the mythology) and ignored Odin's other sons (though who could blame them, there's a lot) and changed the way Odin lost his eye and did you fail Norse Mythology in high school?!!  Actually, no, they must have known what they were doing, because casting a black guy as Heimdall, a.k.a. "the White God", could only be the work of professional trolls.

Also, waitaminute, Sleipnir exists in this continuity?  That's... disturbing... although it actually kind of explains a lot.

And while we're on the subject of Thor, I saw the trailer for the sequel just now.  One, I am very disappointed that it was not based on the Thrymskvitha, a.k.a. The One Where Thor and Loki Crossdress for Justice.  Two, why the hel does Loki look like Tommy Wiseau?  I know he's a nutbar, but nobody deserves this.  Somebody slip him a cake with a bottle of hair gel baked inside because seriously.

When I watch The Avengers this week, I'll probably tell you all about that too. :)