To read
Avengerous Tales 2.9, go here!
EVOLUTION DOES
NOT WORK THAT WAY!
With the Kree
Sentry bearing down on them, the Scarlet Witch acts quickly and brings the
ceiling down on top of their robotic nemesis.
Unfortunately, that doesn’t hold him long, and even the Avengers cannot
stand in the way of the Sentry as he snatches up Marvel and makes a break for
it.
Finally free of
bureaucracy, the Avengers and Rick Jones jet off once more. Rick tells them all he learned about the
Sentry from Captain Marvel, which isn’t much: just a prior battle with the
Fantastic Four, and his Stone Age encounters with the Inhumans. (We haven’t really talked about the Inhumans
yet, but I’ll save the longwinded explanations for later. For now, just know that they’re a society of
secretive super-people.)
Rick also talks
a little about Marvel himself. He used
to be a Kree spy, sent to figure out if Earth was a threat and whether it
should be destroyed. However, as so
often happens in these stories, Marvel grew to like us pathetic flesh bags and
devoted himself to protecting Earth instead, which is why Sentry called him a
traitor earlier. And then his girlfriend
died and Negative Zone stuff, etc., etc.
Angsting and
confusing back stories: the comic book industry summed up in one panel.
The Avengers
return to New York, only to find a message from Goliath. (See?
Told you that figuring out the mansion’s answering service would come in
handy!) Apparently, former
Avengers Yellowjacket and the Wasp have run into trouble up in Alaska, and
Goliath has gone to help. Oh, and if you
guys could come join me like yesterday, that’d be great. Bring a parka.
Of course the
Avengers heed the call, and Rick Jones tags along for some reason. Just like the old days! Yaaaay.
Up in Alaska…
Goliath learns
from Jan TO COVER UP FFS that she and Hank lost contact with a
government outpost they were heading towards.
Shrinking down to insect size, the couple flew off to investigate. They found a patch of jungle in the middle of
the Arctic, complete with foot-long insects—which, hey, Hank’s still got his
cybernetic bug-controlling helmet on, so no problem.
When they get
close enough, they start to feel kind of funny, and Hank is the first to cotton
on to what’s happening, though he doesn’t bother to tell his wife what it is…
I’m sorry, I
know there’s nothing funny about this, but this is the second time Marvel Comics
has pulled this crap, and given future events, there’s really no other
way to react. I mean. I just.
I can’t even anymore. Next page,
please. This is. Wow.
Hank apparently
knocked her right the hell out and tied her to the back of the dragonfly,
sending them both back to safety while he left to explore the jungle on his own. Look, dickface, if you had time to attack
your wife, I think you also had time to calmly and rationally explain the
situation to her like a normal goddamn person, but I’ve never been married so what would I know.
Wait a minute—if
he was able to command the dragonfly to get a safe distance away, and that was
all it took to escape whatever’s going on, why did he need to smack Jan and abandon
her? Couldn’t he have stayed with her on
the dragonfly and then flown away together
to safety? Or was his tiny, tiny body so
very, very heavy that it would have slowed the dragonfly enough to endanger them
both? This is completely unjustifiable
and unnecessary!
After hearing
this story, Goliath ditches Wasp to investigate the jungle on his own. He admits to himself that he might have a
teeny-tiny problem with women (nooooo,
not Clint “Sensitive Guy” Barton!!) as he arrives in the strange jungle… and is
promptly knocked unconscious by Ronan the Accuser and the Sentry.
By this time,
the other Avengers have arrived, and they and Jan also explore the jungle. Unfortunately, the Kree Sentry had plenty of time
to drain Goliath’s will by this point, and the Avengers have no choice but to
fight him.
Meanwhile, in
the citadel in the middle of the jungle, Ronan has Captain Marvel all tied up
while he explains about Plan Atavus.
The issue ends
with a devolved Hank Pym walking out of the bushes, preparing to whack Wasp
with a stick. So he hasn’t changed at
all then.
Issue Ninety-One
shows us the conclusion to the Wasp/Hank Kong encounter.
Hank Kong drags
her off to be his mate—or that’s how Ronan interprets the scene, and while he’s
probably right, I’m not about to unequivocally trust the supervillain’s word
on, well, anything—while the rest of the Avengers continue to fight Goliath and
Sentry 459.
If you’re
wondering why only Hank has devolved and no one else, apparently it’s because
he was so tiny when the evo-rays hit him.
Goliath still has time, the mutants and the android may be immune, and
Wasp and Rick… uh… oh, look what Vision’s doing!
IT’S MY HEART…
Vision tries the
same trick on the Sentry but ends up unconscious. So does Wanda, who gets hit by feedback when
she tries to help her fallen comrade.
Quicksilver and Rick Jones have no choice but to flee and regroup.
Sentry takes the
captive Avengers back to the citadel, where a pleased Ronan awaits him with
power-nullifying bonds for the prisoners.
Vision isn’t happy to find out the Scarlet Witch was captured as well,
but she doesn’t care, as long as they’re together.
Vision pulls
away at the last second, claiming that since he’s not really human, their love
is not to be. Speaking of love, Hank
Kong has Wasp trapped in a cave and is fending off the government folks who
were devolved before he was, who want a shot at his “mate.” And Wasp sticks around instead of escaping because
true love. You’d think if she loved him
that much, she’d want to get away and find a cure for his condition, but again,
I’ve never been married, so I don’t know how all that complicated ‘unconditional
love,’ ‘to have and to hold’ cockamamie works.
But it’s clear
that Hank still feels something for
Jan, as Captain Marvel points out, and as long as such passion exists in the
human race, Ronan can never be secure in his position as ruler. Fortunately, he’s got an attachment he can
stick onto the evo-ray to take care of that.
Ronan quickly
teleports home, leaving the poor Sentry to die (?) in the wreckage of the
citadel.
The Avengers
make tracks, and when they get outside, they find that everything is returning
to normal—including Hank, who takes this disaster as a sign for him to get out
of the superheroing business permanently (ahar). Jan goes along with him because independent
women? What’s that?
Aside from the
usual hiccups—bad science, Wasp as designated kidnap victim, Hank slapping Jan
(seriously, what the hell)—I liked these issues. Even Rick Jones is less annoying than he used
to be. Better yet, the Scarlet Witch is
pretty much back to her usual, competent self—and, with the changing relationship
between her and the Vision, our red-themed Avengers are shaping up to be the
most interesting part of the comic.
To read Avengerous Tales 2.11, go here!
Images from Avengers #90 and Avengers #91
No comments:
Post a Comment