Iron Man #123-#125

So far we have seen:

Sub-Mariner hating everyone

Justin Hammer experiment with turning the Iron Man suit into a remote control toy
A giant corporation persecuting a harmless old man
Because hey, this is fiction, not real life or anything
Iron Man’s origin story because screw it, they can

We get back to the plot in Issue 123.  Iron Man has just made it back to New York when his suit malfunctions yet again (courtesy of Hammer, of course), causing him to crash through an office building and surprise the Marvel staff.

 
I like how frustrated the guy at the desk is.  He looks like their characters come to life and smash things up every other day.  I’d tell him to go hide at DC, but they had their own problems…

 

Fortunately, Tony manages to get back to Stark International in one piece.

 

Do tell. 

Tony spends a good long time testing Iron Man’s “performance,” but everything checks out normal, much to his frustration.  He soon finds himself distracted by the arrival of Bethany, who wants to make sure he’s okeydokey after the plane crash in Issue 120.  Tony immediately drags her off on a date to Atlantic City because he’s Tony Stark, that’s why. 

The two enjoy their impromptu date, with the only blip being Beth asking Tony not to drink so much.  He doesn’t put up a fuss and switches to something less addictive: gambling!  Hooray!  But other than that, the evening goes just fine.

 
Oh, wait, you didn’t want supervillains to attack you on your first date with a smokin’ hot badass?

Tony, as usual, makes a quick getaway to change into Iron Man while Blizzard, the Melter and Whiplash rob the casino’s vault.  For some reason they remind me of Flash’s Rogues Captain Cold, Heatwave, and Captain Boomerang: they’re kind of silly, don’t always get along, and (in Whiplash/Boomerang’s case) have really dumb hair… but they’re still able to get in a hit every once in a while.  As such, we end on a cliffhanger, with the Melter and Blizzard capturing Iron Man and Whiplash all too eager to strike the killing blow.  Whether that blow will come from his steel-slicing whip or his inexcusably stupid ponytail is not made clear.

The next issue wastes no time in showing us how Iron Man gets out of this dilemma.

 

Who says you can’t get a man with a gun?  The whip-breaking shot was enough of a distraction for Iron Man to bust free and bust heads—with another assist from Bethany, who bashes Whiplash’s face in with a hunk of wood.  Ah, at long last, a female character who proves she’s self-reliant and awesome instead of just jawing about it.  (Lookin’ at you, Lois.)

Beth and Tony decide to spend the night at the casino hotel, and you know what that means… QUICK CUT TO THE NEXT MORNING.

 

So when Tony was mocking Loki’s performance issues in The Avengers he was speaking from personal experience.  Nice to have that confirmed.

Tony asks Bethany out for another date, but she declines, stating that she has to serve as a bodyguard for the Carnelian ambassador (remember him from Issue 117?) at a U.N. ceremony being held in his honor—a ceremony to which Iron Man has also been invited. 

 

I have no real reason for including this panel.  I just love his face.

Tony accepts the invitation on Shellhead’s behalf, but before that, we take another quick trip to the Mediterranean to check in with Justin Hammer.  He is determined, for as-yet-unexplained reasons, to teach both Stark International and the country of Carnelia a lesson.

 

Where’s his iris?  Is he a zombie? 

Iron Man arrives at the U.N. ceremony, where another Stark employee, named Mr. Pithins, gives us some exposition about how this moment in time is Carnelia’s equivalent of Japan’s Meiji Period, and how the nation’s very first contract with the outside world involves letting Stark International build a factory in their country.  Why choose S.I. over any other company, including Justin Hammer’s?  Because the ambassador is an Iron Man fanboy.  Yup, that’s it.

 

Not sure what’s up with the angry men in the background.  Maybe they were hoping Carnelia would sign a contract with Wayne Enterprises so they could meet Batman. 

Then it’s off for the photo-op.  Naturally, a roomful of cameras is the perfect place for Hammer to once again take control of Iron Man’s armor—this time with more serious consequences than a little fourth-wall rattling.

…Does this mean we can meet Batman after all?

Issue 125 begins with Iron Man convincing the police that he is not responsible for the ambassador’s death, and that he must remain free so he can go after the real killer.  Bethany is rightfully furious and gets into a tiff with Tony over it, wherein she accuses him of protecting a killer, and he blames her for not doing her job as a bodyguard.

Sure, it’s a pretty nasty fight, but it’s at least marginally understandable.  Bethany has no way of knowing that Iron Man was being controlled by an outside force and only knows that the man who murdered the ambassador two feet away from her won’t be punished for it.  Tony knows he isn’t technically a murderer but still feels guilty; combine that with SHIELD’s impending hostile takeover of his company and his simmering addiction and of course he’s going to lose his temper.  You can really feel the pressure mounting as things get worse and worse for our hero, inevitably driving him further into his demons’ arms.

Still, Tony apparently feels bad over snapping at Beth as he spends the night drinking and, it would appear, getting into bar fights.  The moment is effectively ruined, however, when you realize that Tony and his secretary have the same haircut.

 

‘It’s the seventies’ is the only explanation I can come up with.  I still say the artwork is beautiful almost beyond reason, but c’mon, Romita, really?  Well, I guess it’s better than that lazy perm he had at the beginning of the decade.

 

(You’re one of the richest men in the world and that’s the best shirt you can find?)

Anyway, Tony mopes about how Iron Man is ruining his chances with Beth his life everything in the most melodramatic manner possible.

 

Pfffffft.  Okay, generally this comic is pretty well-written and, as I said earlier, well-paced, but every once in a while they throw us an absolute GEM of a stupid line.  First there was Fury’s “Don’t gimme that keg o’ horse apples, ya lop-eared yahoo!”  And now there’s this.  At least Tony has the excuse of being obscenely sloshed.  And both lines are so spectacularly silly that I can’t even get mad at them.  This is some classic ridiculousness you are witnessing.

Meanwhile, let’s not forget that Iron Man is also a member of the Avengers, and they too have to figure out how to deal with the murder charges.  At this point in comics history, Iron Man was the leader of the team, with Captain America second-in-command and unaware of Iron Man’s secret identity.  The Avengers just let Tony hang around because he pays for their Twinkies. 

 

 

Falcon, no.  I’ve already criticized someone’s clothing today.  I have neither the energy nor the inclination to eviscerate yours.

Tony arrives at Avengers Mansion with the excuse that he wants to learn how to defend himself now that his bodyguard’s armor has been confiscated by the police.  The real reason, of course, is so he can go after the ambassador’s killer and have a chance of not dying in the process.  Either way, Cap is more than happy to use Tony as a punching bag.  For his own good, of course.

Now armed with some basic self-defense moves, Stark follows up on the only lead he has—a comment from Whiplash about how he was working for a man named Hammer.  He plans to break into Ryker’s Island prison to interrogate Whiplash himself, but when Stark employee and ex-con Scott Lang hears about it, he has other ideas.

 
What’s with his hair?  I feel like it’s about to turn sentient and take over Manhattan.  Sheesh.

Tony agrees to Scott’s plan with A+ results, and the “A” in this case stands for Ant-man, which is who Scott Lang is at the moment.  Not that Tony knows this.  Man, keeping up with who-knows-who is getting messy.

Also, the cover advertises this issue as “guest starring the all-new astonishing Ant-man,” but this is about the extent of Scott’s involvement with this issue.  I wouldn’t call two and a half pages worthy of guest-star status, but then again, I’m not trying to sell comic books either.

The point is, Scott finds out Hammer is in Monaco, so Tony and a newly-healed Rhodey—he was shot a few issues ago, remember—fly over to say hi.

 

asdkajdgkjalkgSAY SOMETHING!  DAMN YOUR METALLIC HIDE!

Tony and Rhodey track Hammer to an antiques shop run by a man with a hideously stereotypical French accent who tries to kill them.  Between Rhodey’s army training and Tony’s Cap training, they manage to escape and steal a car on their way out.  Sadly, Rhodey doesn’t seem to handle cars as well as planes.

 
Wow.  Monacans get good air.  They should make this an Olympic sport—see how high they can fly!  Also, is that a pound symbol on the hot dog stand?  Did Monaco use the pound before switching to the Euro?  I would have thought they’d use francs, but anything even vaguely math-related is not my strong suit, so whatever.

Five seconds later, a new problem arises in the form of a mysterious group, all clad in green, cutting off their escape at the beach, and I’m afraid that’s where we have to leave it until next time.

So yeah.  More good storytelling, more beautiful art, and more problems building up for our favorite armored Avenger.  Not a whole lot to say except I’m lovin’ it and stay tuned. (Don’t worry, I’m saving the really big analysis for next time.)

Next Time: It’s time for Tony Stark and his fabulous hair to face the music.  No, Tony, not drinking songs.  Put the bottle down.

Images from Invincible Iron Man #123, New Teen Titans #20, Invincible Iron Man #124 and Invincible Iron Man #125

Crud, I didn't write down where I took the lazy perm panel from.  Well done, Gonzo.